"Adult temper tantrums happen when the person can't cope with a negative situation that has happened to them. They don't know how to handle it and become a person no one wants to be around.” “Like many issues adults can have, temper tantrums are rooted in childhood. There are many who were raised in homes where they were never taught vital emotional coping skills. If a child is raised in an environment in which dramatic emotional outbursts were permitted, fostered, or modeled, that child will be more prone to temper tantrums in adulthood than would, say, a child reared in a home where self-regulation was prized." (Marulli, 2)
Brigham Young says, “Abuse and unkindness will drive them (our children) from us, and break asunder every holy tie, that should bind them to us…Then can you wonder that your children are wild, reckless and ungovernable? They care not for a name, or standing in society. Every noble aspiration is blunted; for they are made to go here or there, like mere machines, at the beck and call of tyrant parents, and are uncultivated and uncivilized.” “Chastening may be necessary betimes, but parents should govern their children by faith rather than the rod, leading them kindly by good example…Latter-day Saint should maintain a uniform and even temper…Anger should never be permitted to rise in our bosoms, and words suggested by angry feeling should never be permitted to pass our lips.”
Joseph F Smith says, “Sometimes the husband sees a failing in his wife, and he upbraids her with it. Sometimes the wife feels that her husband has not done just the right thing, and she upbraids him. What good does it do? Is not forgiveness better? We all have our weaknesses and failings…but the bond of the new and everlasting covenant (will) be more secure when you forget to mention the weaknesses and faults of one another. It is better to drop them and say nothing about them, bury them and speak only of the good that you know and feel.”
David O McKay says, “Never must there be expressed in a Latter-day Saint home…an expression of anger or jealousy, or hatred. Control it! Do not express it!”
Gordon B. Hinckley says, “Fathers, control your tempers, now and in all the years to come. Mothers, control your voices, keep them down…There is so much of meanness and abuse, of intolerance and hatred. There is so great a need for repentance and forgiveness. It is the great principle emphasized in all of scripture, both ancient and modern.”
In an interview with Astrid Lingren, author of the beloved children book Pippi Longstocking, she shared the following experience:
"Above all, I believe that there should never be any violence. In 1978 I received a peace prize in West Germany for my books, and I gave an acceptance speech that I called just that: 'Never Violence.' And in that speech, I told a story from my own experience.
When I was about 20 years old, I met an old pastor's wife who told me that when she was young and had her first child, she didn't believe in striking children, although spanking kids with a switch pulled from a tree was standard punishment at the time. But one day when her son was four or five, he did something that she felt warranted a spanking - - the first of his life. And she told him that he would have to go outside himself and find a switch for her to hit him with.
The boy was gone a long time. And when he came back in, he was crying. He said to her, 'Mama, I couldn't find a switch, but here's a rock that you can throw at me.'
All of a sudden the mother understood how the situation felt from the child's point of view: that if my mother wants to hurt me, then it makes no difference what she does it with; she might as well do it with a stone. And the mother took the boy onto her lap and they both cried. Then she laid the rock on a shelf in the kitchen to remind herself forever: never violence. And that is something I think everyone should keep in mind. Because violence begins in the nursery - - one can raise children into violence." (Lisbet, p.132)
I pray that I may continue to progress in my self-mastery that I may be a refuge from the storms of life for my children, that they may be able to turn to me and trust me whatever the situation or trouble may be.
Sources:
Goddard, HW. (July 2007). “Soft-Spoken Parenting: 50 Ways to Not Lose Your Temper With Your Kids.” Silverleaf Press, Retreived from https://content.byui.edu/file/d8eb8fca-89c5-4432-a589-59a57e705539/1/SoftSpokenParentpgs_combined.pdf
Marulli, L. (May 2021). “Parenting Yourself When You Want To Throw A Temper Tantrum.” Moms Magazine. Retrieved from https://moms.com/parenting-yourself-temper-tantrum/
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